So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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