Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
