I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
