if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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