Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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