Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
