Where did you get a picture of my penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
