If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
