Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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