Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
