Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
