I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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