you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
