what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
