dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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