I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
