I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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