You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
