Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
