The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
