I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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