kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
