That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
