I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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