I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
