forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
