i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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