I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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