why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
