I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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