You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
