my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
