i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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