In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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