have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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