Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize