I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
