i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
