We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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