Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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