i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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