Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
