Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
