Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
