but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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