hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
