Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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