is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
