my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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