Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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