i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
