I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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