Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
