Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sober January is a disaster.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
