I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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