I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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