I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
