Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
