One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
