Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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