AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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