Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
