Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
