Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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