Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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