apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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