I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
