pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
