he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
