Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
