I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
