dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have feelings that need drinking.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
