If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
