It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
