whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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