wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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