I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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